In my early 20’s, I became conscious of a negative voice in my head, as I was walking to work, that regaled me with terrifying scenarios, each worse that the last. I remember wondering who that was in my head and how they got there? It sounded so different than my own voice that I couldn’t even imagine it was me!
Ten years later, I was introduced to A Course in Miracles and got my answer. Yes, the voice was my own, a part of me named The Negative Ego. While you cannot murder it off – everything is energy and while you cannot destroy energy, you can transmute it to something else. The first major benefit from studying the course was to heal my relationship with God. I realized that everything I had been taught about God was inaccurate and that God is not outside of myself but within.
The second major benefit was equally life-changing. Not only did I learn that I am the generator of the thoughts I think but that once I become conscious and aware that I am thinking a negative thought, I can choose to think another thought instead. I saw how thinking negative thoughts was an attack on myself – why would I put myself down with such velocity, why would I terrorize myself with fear thoughts that kept me awake at night? Did I hate myself that much? No, I didn’t. I just didn’t understand that we create our reality from our thoughts and emotions, so to indulge in a bout of negative thinking was actually asking the Universe to bring it on!
Rather than beating myself up for the quality of my thoughts, I simply said aloud, “Cancel! Cancel! Cancel!” and then picked another happier, more positive thought to think instead.
Forty years later, I recognize the gift I was given. Unlike so many people, I refuse to terrorize myself through the thoughts I think. For example, I refuse to worry about money, health, whether my partner of 14 years will leave me or what old age will bring. A belief is just a thought you think many times over, so instead, I believe that the
Universe is always conspiring with me to bring me my highest good. Even if something happens that doesn’t immediately look like a plus, I sit with it, asking, “Is this good or is this bad?”
Inevitably, either sooner or later, it is clear that the Universe was serving me.
As we go through these chaos years, you can make it so much harder than it need be by imagining the worst. We asked to be here, we intended to grow as much as possible; why then do we resist when clearly shown that what we think, say and do isn’t working anymore?
Embracing change is just another thought, then we flow with the energies versus being battered by them.